Time to grow up, kids

Time for me to get my grumpy 30 something mommy rage on. Bear with me for a minute here.

We live in a neighbourhood with a high concentration of university students. We have lived there for 3 years now, with 2 left to go. Unfortunately, what we never read in the lease, was that all these university students are going to be urinating, breaking glass bottles, yelling and fighting outside our apartment from Thursday to Saturday night and morning every week.

This rant is for them.

So, you finally moved out of home. Wow, you started university! So exciting! So many new opportunities to get drunk and laid now that you’re not living with mommy and daddy anymore (although of course they’re still paying your tuition and rent). Good thing you don’t actually have to CARE about being in school, because if you drop out there’s lots of money in your parent’s trust account to take that first year over again. Or whatever. So man, this is the time to live it up.

I’m thrilled that you think the best use of your time is to put yourself into hepatic failure as fast as possible through repeated binge drinking. Really. In 30 years when you’re in a hepatic coma, my kids will probably be culturing and draining your ascites fluid and trying to keep you alive. But hey, you’re young and life is for the living.  So here’s just a small reminder when you’re going to and coming home from the clubs/bars each weekend.

I know you think the universe revolves around you. You’ve probably been brought up like this so you can’t picture things any other way. Hopefully a university education will help clear this up for you. But in the meantime, please remember that your actions do have consequences. So when you and 15 other students who are already half drunk decide to walk through the neighbourhood yelling “YEAAAAAH” and “DDDUUUDE LETS GET DRUNK” at the top of your voice, there are about 2694 people living in the houses and apartments nearby who don’t give a sh*t about you and your friends’ plans. We’d like you to shut up. Perhaps you’d like us to start banging metal outside your window at 7AM the following morning as you’re getting your hangover headache to give you an idea what it feels like? Or maybe I should get one of my friends to camp out under your bedroom window holding screaming baby for a few hours? How does that sound?

Please don’t leave garbage and break glass bottles in our streets and alleys. I would have thought this is obvious enough, but people can hurt themselves on it, and someone will have to come and clean it up – Not you, because you don’t have to be responsible for yourself or any of your actions of course – but maybe a caretaker or business or home owner where you indiscriminately left things you were too lazy to put in the garbage or recycling,

Keep your own fluids inside your body. If you have to pee, find a washroom like any civilized adult. I’m tired of our alley smelling like your pee. The same for your spit, vomit, and semen please. Basically, try to have a bit of class and stop acting like trash. Thanks.

At some point you might realise that you need to  end up actually doing with your life. When this point comes I hope you will realise that you can’t just treat everywhere outside of your house/apartment as your own personal garbage can and that you need to be minimally responsible for yourself and your actions. I hope you remember your foolishness during your drunken escapades and feel deeply embarrassed about your immaturity.

I’m totally fine with the fact that you want to go out on the weekend and have fun and relax a bit. I get it, I really do. But you need to have some basic level of self control and respect for those around you. If we acted like you, we’d be throwing bottles at you as you walk by, peeing on your head and breaking the windows of your place. But that isn’t happening, is it? Oh right, that’s because we’re still acting civilized. In short, it’s time to grow up and learn to have a good time without making things bad for others.